Why Shit Happens

This is the first of a dozen tools shared in this section. I use them all. Many guests cthis way, use the tools once and wonder why their life experience islow to change. These are everyday tools. Pick your favourites and use them regulary. They bome habitual and that helps us skip the road bumps on this transformation experience.

Tool 1: Why Shit Happens

Let’s bring this down to earth.

You’ve learned that matter is made of fermions and forces are carried by bosons. That’s physics language.

Here’s the usable version:

Everything is interacting.
Everything is changing.
Nothing is static.

We call that energy.

Energy isn’t a mystical substance. It’s simply a way of describing change in a system over time.

Your car moves because fuel contains chemical potential energy.
A battery powers your phone because it stores energy.
Money changes your options because it represents stored potential.

Energy = capacity for change.

Now here’s where it gets practical.

Your life is a system.

And systems change based on inputs.

Thoughts are inputs.
Words are inputs.
Actions are inputs.
Habits are repeated inputs.

Forces cause change in a system.

In physics, force changes momentum.

In life, repeated thoughts, emotional patterns, and behaviors change direction.

Momentum is the direction your life is already moving.

If you’ve ever said:
“Why does this keep happening to me?”
That’s momentum.

Shit doesn’t “just happen.”
Patterns happen.

And patterns are built from repeated forces applied over time.

If you repeatedly:

• Expect rejection
• Focus on scarcity
• React with anger
• Speak with cynicism
• Avoid responsibility

You are applying force in a specific direction.

And the system responds accordingly.

Not magically.
Mechanically.

Energy accounts for how much change occurs.
Emotion determines how strong the force is.

A casual thought carries little momentum.
A thought soaked in fear or anger carries far more.

Intensity accelerates direction.

That’s why emotional reactions matter.

This is not about “manifesting.”
It’s about physics applied to behavior.

Small forces, applied consistently, create massive outcomes.

A plane leaving Los Angeles one degree off course doesn’t crash immediately.
It lands in the wrong state hours later.

Why does shit happen?

Because:

• Momentum was already in motion.
• Inputs weren’t examined.
• Forces were applied unconsciously.
• Patterns ran uninterrupted.

The good news?

Momentum can be redirected.

Not instantly.
But predictably.

Change the repeated inputs.
Change the emotional charge.
Change the behavioral force.
Maintain the new direction.

That’s it.

Barry Kibrick once summarized it beautifully in an interview:

It’s not about wishing for a different life.
It’s about understanding the mechanics behind the one you’re already creating.

You are not at the mercy of randomness.

You are inside a system.

And you are one of its most powerful forces.

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Words Matter More Than We Admit

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Nice rhyme.

Completely untrue.

Words don’t bruise skin.
They wire brains.

From early childhood onward, repeated language becomes internal language. What we hear often enough, we begin to say to ourselves. What we say to ourselves often enough becomes belief. And beliefs shape behavior.

This isn’t poetic.
It’s neurological.

Every time you hear:

• “You’re not good enough.”
• “Be realistic.”
• “People like us don’t do that.”
• “You always mess things up.”

Your nervous system records it.

Not as philosophy.
As pattern.

The brain doesn’t carefully evaluate every repeated statement for truth. It encodes what is emotionally charged and frequently reinforced. Over time, those words become predictive filters.

And your Reticular Activating System (RAS) goes to work.

If the internal script is:
“I’m bad with money.”

Your brain begins highlighting:

• Financial mistakes
• Bills
• Evidence of lack
• Stories confirming struggle

If the internal script is:
“I’m awkward.”

Your brain scans for:

• Micro-rejections
• Neutral expressions misread as judgment
• Social missteps

The Worry Monster isn’t mystical.
It’s automated pattern recognition combined with emotional memory.

Negative words trigger stress responses.
Stress releases cortisol.
Cortisol narrows perception.

Choose yours carefully.

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The Harm We Do to Ourselves

The biggest source of harm rarely comes from other people.

It comes from our own internal narration.

“Words can change how people perceive reality,” psychologist Jack Schafer wrote. “They create filters through which people view the world around them.”

Psychology calls this the illusion of truth effect.

Repeat something often enough and the brain begins to treat it as true — not because it has been verified, but because it feels familiar. Familiarity is misread as accuracy.

That’s how beliefs form.

Not always through evidence.
Through repetition.

If you repeatedly say:

• “I’m exhausted.”
• “Nothing ever works out.”
• “I’m terrible with people.”
• “This is going to be a disaster.”

Your brain adapts to that narrative.

It builds filters.
It looks for confirming evidence.
It edits out contradictions.

And soon, that becomes your lived reality.

Not because the universe rearranged itself.
Because your perception and behavior did.

This is why deliberate language matters.

You’ve learned that thoughts arise quickly — often in under half a second. That initial reaction? You don’t control it. It’s pattern recognition, memory, emotional conditioning.

But what you do control is what comes next.

The commentary.

The sentence you add.

The label you apply.

You can’t always stop the first thought:
“This meeting will go badly.”

But you can add:
“I don’t know that yet.”

You can’t prevent:
“I look awful today.”

But you can respond:
“I’m tired, not awful.”

That small linguistic adjustment changes physiology.

Here’s a simple demonstration.

Say out loud:
“I feel really, really tired right now.”

Notice what happens.

Most people yawn.
Or slump.
Or feel a dip in energy.

Why?

Because language activates associated neural networks.
Your brain simulates what you describe.
Your body follows.

Now say:
“I feel alert and capable.”

Notice the subtle shift.
Posture changes.
Breathing shifts.
Attention sharpens.

This isn’t magic.
It’s embodied cognition.

Words cue internal states.

So rather than trying to police every thought — an impossible task — change the words you use in response to them.

Instead of:
“I’m stressed.”

Try:
“I’m under pressure, but I can handle it.”

Instead of:
“I’m overwhelmed.”

Try:
“I need to prioritize.”

Instead of:
“I’m failing.”

Try:
“I’m learning.”

The first thought is automatic.
The second sentence is power.

Change the language.
You change the filter.
Change the filter.
You change the experience.

And that’s where real control begins.

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Now, say out loud:

“I could use more energy right now.”

Notice what happens.

Most people feel a small lift almost immediately. Posture adjusts. Breath deepens. There’s a subtle shift from depletion to possibility.

Why?

Because language directs attention.
Attention directs physiology.

This simple test demonstrates the power of words in your life. It shows that while you may not control the first thought that pops into your head, you absolutely control the sentence that follows it.

From now on, if someone says, “You look tired,” instead of agreeing and reinforcing the suggestion, try responding:

“I could certainly use more energy right now.”

Simple.

Highly effective.

Some people report that this one linguistic shift changes how they carry themselves throughout the day. Not because energy magically appears — but because their brain begins looking for ways to generate it.

Most people pay very little attention to the words they use. They don’t realize that repeated language shapes self-image, mood, and behavior. Over time, your life does begin to reflect the dominant story you tell about it — not because words materialize into matter, but because they guide decisions, posture, tone, effort, and expectation.

Language builds identity.

Here you get to play with a practical tool: deliberately upgrading the words you use in response to your automatic thoughts.

When you change your words:

• You interrupt negative spirals.
• You influence your nervous system.
• You shift how others respond to you.
• You protect yourself from adopting unhelpful suggestions.

Words are not mystical forces.

They are neurological triggers.

“Words can change how people perceive reality,” psychologists remind us. They create filters.

And filters shape experience.

Words Are High Impact

“To see with one’s own eyes, to feel and judge without succumbing to the suggestive power of the fashion of the day… and to express what one has seen and felt in a trim sentence or even in a cunningly wrought word — is that not glorious?”
— Albert Einstein, 1934

Strip away the poetry and here is the science:

Thoughts are patterns of electrical and chemical activity.
Words are structured expressions of those patterns.
Repeated patterns strengthen neural pathways.

That means repeated words strengthen identity.

A stone feels solid because its atoms are tightly bound. A thought feels light and intangible — yet it can alter heart rate, muscle tension, hormone release, and decision-making within seconds.

In that sense, thoughts and words are among the most powerful forces in human life.

A single sentence can:

• Trigger a stress response.
• Ignite motivation.
• Deepen love.
• Destroy confidence.

Not because vibration changes the universe —
but because language changes biology and behavior.

We will cover tools for handling the harmful words of others.

But first, we need protection from ourselves.

Because the most repeated voice in your life is your own.

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For the next 24 hours, you are going to become a word-watcher.

Not to judge yourself.
Not to police others.
But to observe.

You will observe:

• The words you use.
• The tone you use them with.
• The words used by those around you.
• The emotional shift that follows certain phrases.

And you will record what you notice.

Example 1

Someone asks, “How are you doing?”

You reply, “Not bad.”

You could have replied, “Fantastic, thanks.”

Make a note of the phrase “not bad.”

Count how many times you use it.

“Not bad” sounds neutral, but it subtly reinforces mediocrity. It keeps you in maintenance mode.
“Fantastic” nudges posture, tone, and mood upward — even if you don’t fully feel it yet.

Language shapes state.

Track it.

Example 2

You see a commercial for a luxury vacation.

You hear yourself say:
“I can’t afford that.”
Or, “It’s ridiculous someone would pay that much.”

You could have said:
“That’s a beautiful hotel.”

Notice the difference.

The first reaction closes possibility and often carries resentment or defensiveness.
The second is observational. Appreciative. Neutral.

Write down how each response makes you feel.
Notice how others respond when you speak either way.

Do people lean in? Pull back? Match your tone?

Example 3

Observe your forward-in-time language:

“I wish…”
“I will…”
“I want…”
“I hope…”
“If only…”
“Maybe one day…”

None of these are wrong.
But they subtly position what you desire as distant.

Notice how often you speak about your life as something that will happen later.

Example 4

Observe your “against” language:

“I can’t stand it when…”
“I hate it when…”
“He sucks.”
“The weather is awful.”
“You look tired.”
“I’m sick of…”

These phrases may feel harmless. But repetition wires the brain toward irritation and negativity bias.

Track them.

Example 5

Notice your habitual limiting words:

Can’t
Should
Maybe
Whatever
But
Only
Busy
Try
“I’d like to…”
“Just…”
“I don’t think so…”
“Problem…”

You are not banning these words.

You are becoming conscious of them.

After 24 Hours

Take a walk. Go somewhere quiet. Sit outside if you can.

Review what you observed.

Do not criticize yourself.

Do not shame anyone else.

Just notice patterns.

How much of your language:

• Reinforces limitation?
• Projects frustration?
• Keeps desires safely in the future?
• Minimizes your experience?

Now choose one or two of your most common unhelpful phrases and upgrade them.

Instead of:
“I’m tired.”

Try:
“I could use more energy right now.”

Instead of:
“Not bad.”

Try:
“Brilliant, thanks.”

Instead of:
“I can’t afford that.”

Try:
“That’s impressive.”

Notice what shifts internally — posture, breathing, tone.
Notice how others respond.

You are not pretending.
You are retraining attention.

Finally, begin gradually eliminating the most limiting and unnecessarily negative phrases from your vocabulary.

Not overnight.
Not perfectly.

Just deliberately.

Small linguistic shifts compound over time. They influence mood, behavior, and opportunity because they influence how you carry yourself and what you look for.

Most importantly — have fun with it.

Perfection is not the goal.
Awareness is.

And even small changes in language can produce surprisingly large changes in experience.

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Fun Homework: The Grocery Store Challenge

Mentality control is not mystical.
It’s observable. Trainable. Measurable.

And this little experiment will prove it.

Step 1: The Default Loop

Go to a grocery store you don’t normally visit.

As you walk in, take two slow breaths.
Not to become spiritual.
Just to become present.

You are not there to shop.

You are there to observe.

Do one very slow lap of the store. Visit:

• The deli counter
• The wine section
• Meat and fish
• Cheese
• Checkout lines

And behave exactly as you normally would.

Stay in your head.
Avoid eye contact if that’s your habit.
Say little.
Observe.

At the deli counter, notice:

• The sighing.
• The fidgeting.
• The irritation when someone ahead can’t decide.
• The blank expression of the person serving.
• The transactional tone.

Notice how separate everyone feels.

No judgment.
No superiority.
Just data collection.

Leave the store.

Step 2: The Shift

Take a few breaths outside. Reset.

Now go back in.

Return to the deli counter.

When it’s your turn and the server says, “Can I help you?” — look for their name badge.

If there isn’t one, ask their name.

Use it.

“Roseanne? That’s a great name. How’s your day going?”

Pause.

Watch what happens.

You just broke the pattern.

Step 3: Ask Better Questions

Closed questions get closed answers.

“How’s your day?”
“Fine.”

Open questions activate thought.

“What do you recommend here?”
“What’s the secret to making a really great sandwich?”
“What do regulars order that I should try?”

Now you’ve shifted the interaction from transactional to human.

You’ve:

• Used their name.
• Made eye contact.
• Invited expertise.
• Shown respect for their role.

When you finish, thank them — and use their name again.

“Thanks, Roseanne. I appreciate it.”

What You’re Actually Training

At first, this may feel awkward. Artificial. Almost theatrical.

Good.

That’s your old pattern noticing disruption.

What you are doing is:

• Training your RAS to notice connection instead of separateness.
• Proving that micro-behavior changes shift social energy instantly.
• Demonstrating that attention plus language alters outcomes.
• Watching how humans respond to being seen.

You will likely observe:

• Posture change.
• Eye brightness.
• Voice tone shift.
• Smiles.
• Nearby customers softening.

You are not manipulating.
You are engaging.

Run this experiment a few times — grocery stores, coffee shops, airports.

Watch what changes.

You will begin to see something important:

Most environments aren’t dead.
They’re waiting.

And you get to decide whether you walk through the world unconsciously…

Or as someone who actively shapes the field around them.

Have fun with it.

And report back what you notice.

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